I’ve worked in advertising my entire adult life, and in marketing/market research for most of that time. I’ve had the pleasure of leading teams for more than 15 years, something I had no idea I’d enjoy as much as I do. Working together to win together fills my cup to overflowing. As much as I love an “AH-HA!” moment for myself. And trust me, I do. But I love it even more when it happens on a team project. It makes it fun, like a game. Tell me the rules, and let’s figure out how to get the most of whatever we’re after. I love games. Except Phase10. And Monopoly. GROAN. Give me any of the 9000 versions of UNO, any day of the week, and that’s a good day for me. The nieces and nephews in our family call game night a tradition at our house. It’s just what we do.

Back to the team projects. An early boss pointed out that I’m very competitive with myself. Totally accurate. I want to win. I mean, I really want to win, whatever that looks like. But my favorite victories are shared wins—the kind where everyone gets something and we all move forward together. That’s probably why one of my favorite grad school classes was Negotiation. That tracks for a competitor, right? In that class, one of our assignments was a speed-dating-style tournament where we negotiated mock scenarios against everyone else in the class.

That exercise quite poignantly delivered one of my most enlightening “AH-HA!” moments: we won more, and more often, when we worked with people instead of against them. At first, it felt counter intuitive. Wouldn’t it make sense to perhaps hold back key info so I could use it strategically? Shouldn’t I play my cards close to the vest so no one could best me?

But here’s the part we didn’t know. That we each had different pieces of information. My “opponent” always had intel that would help me—if I was willing to be open and collaborate. Doesn’t that happen in life too? You think you’re holding all the cards… until you realize the one you need is in someone else’s hand. If you’ve ever played Phase 10, you know EXACTLY what I’m talking about.

DING!

By the third round of that tournament, I stopped dangling a cagey, cryptic carrot at the start of each round. Instead, I led with: “Okay—what’s your win? What are your deal-breakers? What do you have to work with?” And I shared mine too.

Winner, winner, breakfast for dinner, which honestly sounds even better than chicken for dinner, doesn’t it? (Mmmmm.) A delicious “bit” for another blog.

Guess what? It works. Except in UNO. Different story– the exception that proves the rule, I guess?

I took that nugget with me, and I’ve used it ever since. Instead of winning by myself, I’d rather we all win, 100 times out of 100. It showed up in client media strategy planning, internal marketing programs, and in promotional events. It showed up when I reached across the aisle to other departments and built what turned into an award-winning project: defining workflows and streamlining partnership so it was actually collaboration… not competition.

We all feel the temptation to land grab and protect our own territory, especially in corporate settings. Sometimes it feels like survival of the fittest, more Hunger Games and less three-legged race with a partner. And, yes, sometimes you come out second best. For me though, I’d rather find the best teammates and then get the best out of all of us, together. Same finish line. But the trip is so much better: less bumpy, fewer potholes, and much prettier scenery.

Fast-forward a few years. I was reorganized into a different team (again). This time, I landed with a group of leaders, no senior leader immediately above us to start, and a few newer leaders among us. We quickly learned we each brought skills and experience the group needed to get our teams up and running. It was late 2020, so we were already living in a weird time… and on top of that, we were blowing up and rebuilding how we operated. One of the favorite sayings of the day was: “We’re building the airplane while we’re flying it.” Translation: we were moving fast, but the parts were not exactly all installed. YIKES.

Some colleagues assumed they had all the expertise they needed, pushed forward, and didn’t fully acknowledge the skills of teammates merged in from other departments. The more we leaned on each other, the more we appreciated what each person brought to the table—and the stronger we got.

In that moment, as we realized we were indeed “all in this together,” it took us from just surviving to thriving. It sounds cheesy, but in real life it meant everything.

DING!

PS—those same teammates became close friends along the way. When you’re all in it together, you root for each other. You celebrate the wins and you come back from the losses together. You learn from each other and pick up little tidbits you don’t or wouldn’t have on your own. They offer a helping hand to lift you, and you get to do the same. Notice I said, “GET TO,” not “HAVE TO.” That mindset shift—from obligation to opportunity is completely worth it, for my money.